I've got a few minutes left on my lunch break so I thought that I would jot down a few thoughts. After looking at my last post, I am wondering if I actually can accomplish a short one...
It's raining here today and my office is really chilly. This doesn't stop me from feeling like I should just take a nap for an hour or two though. Besides, despite the precipitation, it's still pretty bright outside.
I don't know what it is that's got me contemplating such serious subjects as love and construction however, I haven't quite kicked the whole frame of mind. Yesterday, I wondered why I was so much of a girl. You know the one, I'm sure. The kind of girl that envisions a relationship that may or may not exist yet is too scared to confront the truth and ask. Face-to-face communication is easy for me, except if it has a high probability of containing some sort of rejection.
I suppose that it's really not that special. I think that most people fear rejection. However, I see people that handle it way better than I do and I have to say that I admire these people.
It's funny that I'm even talking about this. For the most part, I'm quite independent, yet there are situations that I get myself into that cause me to question who I am and what I really want out of life. Recently, there has been such a situation and those that are here and tired of me talking about it might want to stop reading here.
Sometimes, I convince myself to let go and stop trying to be so strong. Unfortunately, when I do, I fall into the same stupid patterns. I've decided to stop letting my guard down because it eventually causes me to question myself much more than I usually do.
I hate second-guessing myself. I get to the point when I figure it all out and then I relax the high standards that I have for myself and then the questioning starts. Did I offend that person? Does he really like me? Was that appropriate behaviour? Why? Why do people question themselves?
I guess it's down to what level of sensitivity a person possesses. I am just too hyper-sensitive. I figure it's time to toughen up. Easier said than done, I think.
Perhaps it's just down to what Robert said in his post the other day. Success. What is my idea of success? What do I need to get there?
Maybe what I should be asking is how do I alter my ideal of success?
That said, I really believe that I have to get back to depending on myself for that. I should not be dreaming of that perfect relationship that will make me whole. I AM whole and anything else would just be icing on the cake. I must believe it.
Okay, so I realize this is pretty whiney. I did go for a really nice walk with some friends yesterday and times like that are all one needs. All of the other stuff comes from within!
It's raining here today and my office is really chilly. This doesn't stop me from feeling like I should just take a nap for an hour or two though. Besides, despite the precipitation, it's still pretty bright outside.
I don't know what it is that's got me contemplating such serious subjects as love and construction however, I haven't quite kicked the whole frame of mind. Yesterday, I wondered why I was so much of a girl. You know the one, I'm sure. The kind of girl that envisions a relationship that may or may not exist yet is too scared to confront the truth and ask. Face-to-face communication is easy for me, except if it has a high probability of containing some sort of rejection.
I suppose that it's really not that special. I think that most people fear rejection. However, I see people that handle it way better than I do and I have to say that I admire these people.
It's funny that I'm even talking about this. For the most part, I'm quite independent, yet there are situations that I get myself into that cause me to question who I am and what I really want out of life. Recently, there has been such a situation and those that are here and tired of me talking about it might want to stop reading here.
Sometimes, I convince myself to let go and stop trying to be so strong. Unfortunately, when I do, I fall into the same stupid patterns. I've decided to stop letting my guard down because it eventually causes me to question myself much more than I usually do.
I hate second-guessing myself. I get to the point when I figure it all out and then I relax the high standards that I have for myself and then the questioning starts. Did I offend that person? Does he really like me? Was that appropriate behaviour? Why? Why do people question themselves?
I guess it's down to what level of sensitivity a person possesses. I am just too hyper-sensitive. I figure it's time to toughen up. Easier said than done, I think.
Perhaps it's just down to what Robert said in his post the other day. Success. What is my idea of success? What do I need to get there?
Maybe what I should be asking is how do I alter my ideal of success?
That said, I really believe that I have to get back to depending on myself for that. I should not be dreaming of that perfect relationship that will make me whole. I AM whole and anything else would just be icing on the cake. I must believe it.
Okay, so I realize this is pretty whiney. I did go for a really nice walk with some friends yesterday and times like that are all one needs. All of the other stuff comes from within!
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